*Blank Look*

Totaly blank, like heh?

yeah, on top of my wierd tea, i thought i had other things I could blog about but i can't remember. *think* not, i can't remember. cause on top of my usual extreme tiredness, i feel like my brain is turning into a rock... : *blink blink*

i was trying to explain that to my mom around meal time 2 days ago, as i was so disfuctional she made most of it. i think. and i was just standing there, the kids were also just wandering the kitchen/diningroom aimlessly like 2 lost souls. So i started to chirp like a bird, flapping my arms around, darting for the playroom adjacent to the diningroom, and going in circle chirping and pluck plucking like a bird/chicken.

My mom didn't say a word. the kids looked at me curiously, started giggling and then jumped it the fun. well it had to be fun cause mommy was doing it and it looked funny. they went around trying to imitate me around the playroom giggling like crazy, they were hooked and so i could stop and step outside in the fresh air to try catching back my breath.

the next day when the interventionist was here, my mom admitted that she got worried for a bit that i was loosing my marbles. that i was flipping hehe but felt quite relieved when she saw me step aside, out of breath and still being the usual me hehe.

although i do believe that it is helpful to sanity to have some insane moments. and i feel i havn't had much time to act silly so i don't go totaly nuts. i think my imagination is a bit rusty.

I guess i miss those talks with myself but too tired to talk in general for the necessary stuff. so hmmm wait! am i saying that talking to myself is not important? *scratch head* Tina? when you talk to yourself, do you actualy listen to what you have to say and take your advices? i know i don't always, and end up telling myself i should've listened to myself. could it be that myself is mad at me for not paying attention more? and just decided to sulk? what do i do if myself don't want to talk to me anymore? *sigh*

I wonder what does it mean when we talk to ourself, or don't. I usualy only talk to myself sometime when i'm alone, but i used to have a room mate that talked to himself all the time with some quite intricate conversations that could get very animated. he entered the house one time when i was sitting in silence in the dark in the livingrooom so he didn't noticed me. and he went on for quite some time before going by and noticing me, being a little surprized he said, oh! you're here hehe! and went back to his conversation... very humoritic guy , was quite interresting to have him around and i didn't dare to interupt.

*blank look* again, yeah, i do that a lot lately :s but i'm thankful for Tina's blog, it made me realise i need to do something with myself. all that silence can't be healthy.

Chantal, me will make an effort to listent more to myself, and God