Zombi Thumping

this post is 2 days old, and i'm still a zombi
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it's only 5:30pm and we're done eating supper... it might sound like the normal time to feed two tots but i think otherwise... they still have 1 hour and 30 minutes to play or what not before bedtime routine. and to top it off, bathnight is only tomorrow so i can't even use that to spend some time.

it was a day shift for Andy and my mom had events to attend all day so i didn't even get her usual help that is especialy welcomed around naptime where i can sleep regardless of the kids decision to snooze or not.... today, well, they didn't, i don't think they did and it was making it difficult for me to rest, and i really needed it. i believe i was falling asleep as owen was doing his 15 minute pre-nap rocking, while nursing. it was hurting to stay awake. so after he went in his room, i took Vivian in bed with me to nurse her and she didn't indulge very long that she actualy wanted to go in the play pen. ok, so there you go! but after a short period, she either beg to go on the potty or get naked, whitch is an indication also that she want to go on the potty. this time, she was getting undressed, so i took her on the potty and changed her diaper, took her back in play pen. she played and babbled and complained about getting out at times. she sometime complain a fair bit just before she passes out.

this time, i'm really not sure what happened, i felt that feeling, that one you get when sleep is just about to overtake you. but then, it got more intense and it felt like a white light was coming to me and penetrate me in my left shoulder. at first i though it had to be good, then i had some doubt. i started to wonder if i'd die if i let it happen. looked like someone was walking in through that light. i started to pray and it remained unchanged but i didn't know what to make of it at this point and i willed to wake up and then back to sleep and at time it was to figure out what was the status with the kids. and it seemed like i bobbled in and out of sleep, riding that thin limbo feeling. sometime dipping deeper in the sleep realm and sometime becoming consious but hearing radio? radio??? but but? wake up fully, no radio... start driffting again, more radio, wake up, no, just the kids talking and singing a bit and nothing else. drift again and it sounded like a radio anouncer was talking but i knew it could't be. so eventualy i decided it was probably late enough and they've been waiting awake long enough, can't have wakefull down time all afternoon. trying to drag myself out of bed was verry difficult, feeling guilty for trying to take a nap when they don't and yet feeling like i needed to sleep much longer.

it took me more time then i care for, to get functional again, and durring that time i really couldn't afford to nurse, something Vivian was requesting at the time. it would've probably knocked me back out of consiousness. i had to say no but that brought a chain reaction of cries. no one wanted to be reasonable so back in their room untill they could calm down. that feel very terrible since i felt they already spent more then they should in there. but it allowed for a more peacefull restart.

i also mannaged to finish sticking the whole christmas tree on the wall in the living room

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